He was just waiting to take the train again. Waiting on a platform that would be momentarily crowded, but he had room to breath, for now. People are always later to the station on Tuesdays. They’re waiting like him to take the 7/35 cattle car to or from work. Looking at the digital display hanging from the ceiling of the station every couple of minutes and then getting lost in the newspaper or magazine or people watching. Just one more way to count the wasted minutes. Another way to feel a little less. No one would talk to each other and it was for the best. That’s what Al thought. And that’s what Al thought they all thought too.

At first he didn’t notice her waiting on the platform and she didn’t really stand out. It was when Al sat back on the bench and turned his head to the left that she came into his line of sight.   He figured she must be in school and that’s where she’s going. She didn’t have a uniform on but she was wearing a backpack.

“Maybe she’s in college,” he thought. “probably an intern.  Maybe this is her first day”.

Honk Honk

Two (unheeded warning) blasts from the train interrupted his attention and when he turned back around to look at her a rush of bodies had obscured her. All those people ready gasping at too little air so everyone uncomfortably fits into the train. 

He quickly jumped up from the bench and frantically searched for the yellow sweater that caught his eye.  She stood out and wouldn’t be that hard to find again. 

 He began to jockey for his place in the train, his place next to her.  He wanted to get closer to her even if not close enough to talk.  Looking at her would be plenty.  He began to fantasize talking to her. Quickly he got upset. Al didn’t know what to say to her. It had been twelve years since he had struck up a conversation with a woman he found attractive. Twelve long and mostly loveless years of marriage. He began to wonder what he would talk about, if he could even talk about anything that would keep this yellow sweater interested. But he had to get close enough to see her. Maybe he’d get lucky and by chance find himself next to her. Maybe close enough to smell the kind of shampoo she uses. But he didn’t want to leave this up to chance. The crowd swelled forward. It was too late. 

“Maybe I can catch her when it’s her stop. She’s probably coming back to this stop. Yeah this is her stop.  She looks like a Melanie.” Now he just started making up situations where she would laugh or positively respond to anything he said. In his head she seemed genuinely interested in any observation he would make about the other riders or the neighborhoods they passed. It was all so perfect and smooth in his head. All he needed was to see her again to confirm she was real. And once he saw her that would make all the feelings he associated with her real too. It was perfect. It was what he needed.

Over the intercom system the conductor announced Al’s stop but no sight of her anywhere. The crowd had thinned and so did his optimism for seeing her again. “She must be in the other car. But maybe she’s short and I wont get a good look. Maybe she isn’t real. No. No!” he insisted to himself. “I saw her and the others saw her and I know she was there. Her sweater was too bright yellow not to be real. I know she was there. She’ll be back again.” 

Al settled his worries, collected himself and departed the train. This was the last part of his march. The walk from the train station to his house.  The last time in his day he considered himself a free man. When he got home he knew the routine would wear him into a stupid binge. He just wanted some kind of escape.  But this walk home was quicker than usual. He couldn’t stop thinking about the yellow sweater. How it hugged her chest so snuggly. She had nice breasts, anyone could tell that. Big but not too big. Probably a C-cup he thought. Her hair wasn’t anything remarkable, but it made the rest of her features stand out even more. Her delicate white skin that probably burned quickly in the summer. The high cheek bones supporting doe eyes that could melt any heart and her nose that was just slightly upturned. Her skirt that was hemmed just over her kneecaps revealed legs you see in swimsuit/pin-up magazines. Yeah, she had a real nice tight body he thought.

And just as he noticed the erection growing in his pants Al was at his front door. He maneuvered his overcoat and brief-case to shield any embarrassment and shame from his wife who just wouldn’t understand.